new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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