Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
