Plan B is the new Plan A
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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