3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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