My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
