the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
