there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
