It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.