1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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