his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.