I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b