two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper