Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.

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(248): ..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe. http://tfl.nu/gys8

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(205): View more from Alabama

what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

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(205): what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/58rl

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(315): View more from New York

We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

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(315): We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah." http://tfl.nu/z1lt

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(917): View more from New York City

still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.

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(917): still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v49x

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(303): View more from Colorado

Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store

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(303): Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store http://tfl.nu/jpa2

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(757): View more from Virginia

i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

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(757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o

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(519): View more from Ontario

Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

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(519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk

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(970): View more from Colorado

going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.

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(970): going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after. http://tfl.nu/sghm

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'll always be here to give you immoral support.

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(678): I'll always be here to give you immoral support. http://tfl.nu/ss89

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(630): View more from Illinois

What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.

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(630): What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday. http://tfl.nu/1egp

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(279): View more from

Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?

(574): View more from Indiana

You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you

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(279): Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones? (574): You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you http://tfl.nu/23r0

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(248): View more from Michigan

No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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(248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.

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(228): Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me. http://tfl.nu/qpkp

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(817): View more from Texas

The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.

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(817): The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride. http://tfl.nu/s0ye

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Why is there broken glass in my purse?

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting

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(403): Why is there broken glass in my purse? (1-403): You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting http://tfl.nu/xg38

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