Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.