the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
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I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.