happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
