They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
tell me about the eggs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
