I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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