so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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