remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we should paint friendship bongs
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