How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
