so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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