I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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