Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
