I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He? As in you personified your dick?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
