Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
