Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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