A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
