There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
did i just pee glitter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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