dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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