I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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