I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
