i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
