i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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