Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
