matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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