you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
