perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Say something about gay babies.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
