he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
