remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When are your genitals available?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
