I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
