He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
