its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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