U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
