after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
