I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
