# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
