i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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