Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
