Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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