The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
