cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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