You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
