I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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