Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
