I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize