Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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