How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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