Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
