Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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