Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
